


Forever And Ever (The Scars Will Remain)

by Center_of_the_Galaxy



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Angst, Depressing, F/M, Goodbyes, I'm Sorry, Missed Chances, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 07:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17321018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Center_of_the_Galaxy/pseuds/Center_of_the_Galaxy
Summary: And I know you'll probably delete this message before ever playing it, but I need you to know that I'm sorry.





	Forever And Ever (The Scars Will Remain)

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Peter made up his mind to stay long before he told Miles and part of me wondered what he was feeling. Hence, all this angst. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch kitten videos now.

_“All the places I've been and things I've seen_  
_A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams_  
_The faces of people I'll never see again_  
_And I can't seem to find my way home.”_

_—Five Finger Death Punch, “Far From Home”_

* * *

 

I never wanted to be a dad.

I never knew my father. The few memories I do have of my parents are vague. The floral smell of my mom’s perfume, the way my father’s hand would ruffle my hair as he left for work in the morning—but their faces and their voices, they’re gone. I have a few pictures that May saved, but after I lost Ben . . . it became too much.

But you know that. You were there. You’ve always been there.

So, when you asked about kids, I freaked. I couldn’t picture having another person being fully dependent on me, counting on me, when I was always swinging out the window, putting my life on the line to defend a city that didn’t even know my name. You said it was no different than a first responder having kids, but we both know that first responders don’t have to fight supervillains on a regular basis like me. Did you have a point? Sure. Did I want to listen? No.

You drew a line in a sand that I refused to cross and boom, it was over. Our marriage, those blissfully happy years we spent together, those precious memories we made in our cozy home—all of it went up in smoke. And look, I’m not blaming you. You have a right to want kids. You deserve to be happy and even if I can’t—

I’m rambling. Sorry. Guess old habits die hard.

Here’s the funny thing though—and you would call it karma—I have a kid now. Well, he’s not my kid. Not by blood. He’s got powers, like me. It’s crazy and I can’t explain it all now, but he needs me. He wants a mentor, someone to teach him the ropes and I’m just . . . I’m not supposed to be that guy. I’m a slob. I’m jaded and way too sarcastic for my own good. What can I teach a kid about being Spider-Man?

So, this kid, Miles, he looks at me with these wide, hopeful eyes. He acts like I can’t do anything wrong. He wants to save the world and he thinks that if we just all work together, we can. He can’t even control his powers, but he still believes. He has that naïve faith still—the one I lost so many years ago. He believes that if he works hard enough, everyone will get their happy ending.

But we both know better, don’t we?

Listen, I know I fucked up with you. I know I broke your heart. And I know you’ll probably delete this message before ever playing it, but I need you to know that I’m sorry. I love you. I never stopped.

But I’m not coming back this time. Miles isn’t ready to save the world. Kid can’t use his powers and though he’s got determination and will in spades, it just isn’t enough. Someone has to make the sacrifice. That guy is me. There’s so much I want to say to you, but there isn’t enough time.

Do you remember when we were in high school and we went with Gwen and Harry to that old fashioned ice cream parlor run by that jerk, Mr. Matthews? You had just moved in a few weeks ago and I was too tongue tied to say two words to you. But you just smiled at me and waited for me to string together a coherent sentence while Gwen and Harry just snickered? Then, Harry spilled hot fudge all over his white shirt and Gwen made it worse by trying to get it out with napkins and water. I don’t think I have ever laughed as much as I did then. We were just four kids back then. Innocent. Naïve.

Happy.

When we lost Gwen, I knew things would never be the same. And then, after everything that happened with Harry, I felt like I had to keep you at an arm’s length to keep you safe. Because if I had lost you, I would’ve—

But, I did lose you, didn’t I? Pushing you away, putting being Spider-Man before you, it was always an excuse. Because I was scared. Because when I would close my eyes it wouldn’t just be Gwen’s lifeless eyes that would haunt me. It was you.

It’s always been you.

So, uh, this is it. I don’t even know if my cell has coverage for alternate dimensions. Probably going to be a huge bill. But . . .

Love you, MJ.

* * *

 

“Hey.” Miles surprises him, a curious expression on his face. The kid doesn’t know that he’s about to be ordered to stay out of the fight. It’s not for the benefit of the group, but for his own protection. They love Miles and if they were to lose him . . . “You get cell service?”

Peter huffs out a laugh, “Figured it was worth a shot.”

“Who’d you call?”

“You ready to meet up with the others?” Peter deflects, because if he explains it again, he won’t have the nerve to go through with it.

“Yeah. Sure.”

Because deep down, Peter doesn’t want to die.

But for everyone’s sake, he has to.

“Just another day for Spider-Man, right?” Miles beams cheerfully.

“Just another day.” Peter affirms.

Even if it’s his last day.


End file.
